"... to be is to do & to do is to be ..." Descartes(1596-1650) & Voltaire(1694-1778) |
| Zuzeka was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurt; she had never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help. Honey! - said the psychic. You will not have luck in love in this life.But after death, you will be a much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.
Zuzeka left very happy and so excited, as she went over a bridge she thought: "the sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins" She decided to jump off the bridge right away. But, incredibly Zuzeka didn't die!
She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was, she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her face and said:
"GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!, ONE AT A TIME |
| A TONGA Farmer orders an expensive milking machine. He decides to test it on himself first, so he inserts his manhood into the equipment and turns on the switch. Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does. * *But when the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument from his tool. Anxiously he reads the manual, but does not find any useful information. * *He tries every button on the instrument, without success. Finally the Farmer decides to call the customer hotline. * *''Hello Madamu, ba chembele I just bought a Cow Milking Machine from your company, it works fantastic, but how do you remove it from the cow's udder?'' * *"Don't worry sir'', replies the Customer Service Person, ''the machine will release automatically once it has collected two litres!" * *Webo! Webo! Webo! Ndapenga mebo is there no alternative my ng'ombe only has one teat!........... "... to be is to do & to do is to be ..." Descartes(1596-1650) & Voltaire(1694-1778) |
Ba Laban, shani bakamba. It's been long.
From: Laban Kalwa <kabundakalwa@yahoo.com>
To: cbu-business-class-1994@googlegroups.com
Sent: Fri, February 25, 2011 3:31:52 PM
Subject: Re: [cbu-1994-class] TRY THIS ONE
Hi Chinondo How have you been, its been long. Am looking for the phone number for Alick Nyirenda. Kindly sms me if you have it. My cell number is 0966 959144 Laban Kalwa --- On Wed, 2/16/11, valerian sakala <sakalav@yahoo.com> wrote:
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Hi Chinondo How have you been, its been long. Am looking for the phone number for Alick Nyirenda. Kindly sms me if you have it. My cell number is 0966 959144 Laban Kalwa --- On Wed, 2/16/11, valerian sakala <sakalav@yahoo.com> wrote:
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Residents in Malawi's financial capital Blantyre have reacted angrily at government attempts to criminalise farting in public. The Local Courts Bill, to be introduced next week, reads: "Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way, shall be guilty of a misdemeanour." The bill will also attempt to deal with citizens who hinder the burial of dead bodies as well as people who pretend to be fortune tellers. Many feel that there are better issues that the government needs to discuss. Local Topsi Ganzalesi said: "We can't allow that. We all fart. Where do they think we could go and fart? That is no issue to debate upon." College student, Matthews Phiri, was not alone in saying he could not understand how the government hoped to enforce the new law - adding to widespread criticism that the new law is a giant waste of public funds. "We all fart in public and it will be difficult to tell who has done it. Some do it silently. It some cases it is like teargas which goes like shhhh! Our legislators need to concentrate on discussing development projects. They should not waste our time and money on childish issues. It would make sense if they talked about defecating and urinating anyhow but not farting. This will not work. We will keep on farting." he said. "... to be is to do & to do is to be ..." Descartes(1596-1650) & Voltaire(1694-1778) |
A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan desert . During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there. The nervous Sergeant said, "Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly the Camel." The Captain said, "I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane love making with the camel. When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir, They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are." Moral of the story: If you are not sure of how things are done, don't be ashamed to ask for clarification before doing it, ...not after you have done it wrongly. "... to be is to do & to do is to be ..." Descartes(1596-1650) & Voltaire(1694-1778) |
Run your Own Race |
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| Little Sipho goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking.
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The information contained in this email is confidential and may contain proprietary information. It is meant solely for the intended recipient. Access to this email by anyone else is unauthorised. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted in reliance on this, is prohibited and may be unlawful. No liability or responsibility is accepted if information or data is, for whatever reason corrupted or does not reach its intended recipient. No warranty is given that this email is free of viruses. The views expressed in this email are, unless otherwise stated, those of the author and not those of First Merchant Bank Limited or its management. First Merchant Bank Limited reserves the right to monitor, intercept and block emails addressed to its users or take any other action in accordance with its email use policy.
Dear Sis Dolly I have a serious problem now. I hope you will assist. The day before yesterday for once in life I tried something naughty. I went to see my girlfriend. Whilst asleep naked, we heard a vehicle outside meaning it was her husband and we thought he was out of town not coming back. We were really surprised that he was back so early. I dressed quickly and jumped through the window and ran towards home. I got home safely and quickly got into bed beside my wife who didn't ask cause she knew that Friday was a day for daddy. When she woke up the next morning she was so shocked to find me putting on lady's panty!!!! And my boxers were nowhere in sight. I told her that I will explain later? What should I tell her I wish it was a new panty I would have said I had bought it for her and I was just testing it but was an old one with 2 holes in the middle. And it was pink with laces and flowers in front. The worse thing is that my wife does not like lacy and floral panties. I beg you auntie what should I do? on the other side my girlfriend is breathing fire she wants her panty because the husband wants to see it. Please give me ideas there is war at home!!!!!! Sis Dolly Replies Tell your wife that you have been possessed by a spirit which makes you Wear women's underwear and that this has been going on for a long while hence the old panty with two holes. Return the panty to your small house and tell her to tell her husband that the rats had taken it and she found it under the bed while spring cleaning. She should also angrily tell her husband to do something about the rats as too many of her belonging have fallen victim to the rats. This should solve your problem "... to be is to do & to do is to be ..." Descartes(1596-1650) & Voltaire(1694-1778) |
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Law is actually a system of rules which is enforced by a set of institutions. it's used as a device for underpinning civil obedience, politics, economics & society. It also serves as a social mediator in human relations. Aristotle declared, "The rule of law is better than the rule of any individual."
Law is divided in to separate disciplines. Contract law is used in civil purchase to trading on derivatives markets. Property law is related to the transfer & title of personal & actual property. Trust law is related to investment & financial security. The Tort law allows is for them who require compensation for being injured or harmed. there's criminal laws in which the state can prosecute the perpetrator.
Legal systems define the rights & duties of human beings in a variety of ways. a few of the law schools in USA are the following:
Constitutional law is associated with the creation of law, the defense of human rights & the choice of political representatives. there is International law which defines relationship between sovereign nation states in cases of trade, environmental regulation or military action.
• Yale Law School
it's a law school of Yale University in New refuge, Connecticut & offers 4 years degree-granting programs including JD, LLM, JSD, & MSL.
• Harvard Law School (HLS)
Oldest US law school, situated in Cambridge, this law school offers 260 courses to 1,900 students from over 80 countries.
• The University of Chicago Law School
Law school in Chicago, IL, & offers courses like JD, LLM, JSD, joint degrees (JD/MBA, JD/PhD, JD/AM, JD/MPP); it's a law school which is located in University of Chicago, located in the Hyde Park neighborhood
• Abraham Lincoln University School of Law
It was the first online law school in new york, CA, & provides live interactive Jurist Doctorate law degree program; it also offers live classroom sessions.
• American College of Law
This law college is located in Anaheim, California; & also offers Juris Doctorate Degree programs; there's courses like entertainment law, family & insurance law, international law, administrative law, constitutional law etc; you can also get evening & Saturday classes.
American law school is located in Massachusetts Avenue in Washington, DC; it provides Juris Doctor program, advanced degrees (LLM, SJD), study abroad program, clinical program, Trial Advocacy Program etc
• American University Washington College of Law
• Atlanta's John Marshall Law School
• Cal Northern School of Law
• california Southern Law School
• california School of Law
For more information on Law Schools & Colleges, visit Top schooling Guide.
The objectives are different in civil law. there is an try to right a wrong, honor an agreement or settle a dispute. The victim gets compensation from the one that does the wrong. Every common law country has its own set of legal system that depicts on the rich history of civil law.
Civil law is the most dominant legal custom today in most parts of the world. it is that branch of law which deals with individuals, and/or organizations in which compensation is rewarded to the victim. E.g. in a automobile accident, victim can claim damages against the driver for the loss or injury sustained in the accident. Going back to the history of civil law, common law follows an adversarial model while civil law is more inquisitorial. Civil law is code-based. It provides a forum or predefined set of rules for deciding disputes involving torts, probate of wills, property, administrative law, commercial law and private matters including government departments. The civil judge does not interpret the law but basically follow predetermined legal rules.
Understanding civil law, one needs to know the history of its origin. As they say, "All roads lead to Rome", civil law has also originated from the legal institutions of Rome. Its name derives from jus civile, the civil law of the Roman Republic and the Roman Empire. The jurists were people from upper classes of the Roman society who offered their legal knowledge as a public service. they advised parties to litigation, lay judiciary who presided over the trials and judged the facts of the case.
There were four types of civil judges: the magistrate and the judge for the trial. The jurists in Rome were nonprofessional and were not the government officers, hence they did not charged for their services. Thus, Roman law had an important influence on history of the world.
Civil law is usually referred to both the common law and law of equity which have historicallyin the past operated to different doctrines.
In a civil lawsuit, the plaintiff is responsible for the cost of litigation. Most civil law attorneys handle victim cases on a contingency basis which means the attorney fees is deducted from the final award.
Despite of the universal recognition of the distinction between the private law and public law in the civil law world, there is still no agreement among the civil law attorneys on its theoretical basis and no uniformity as to the scope of private and public law. Private law is that area of the law in which the sole function of government was the recognition and enforcement of private rights. Contrarily, public law is the effectuation of public interest by state action. Private law includes civil and commercial codes, while public includes constitutional law, administrative law and criminal law.
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