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1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3.
 Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.
 Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.


5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.


6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7.
 Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.
 Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9.
 Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10.
 Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11..
 Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.
 The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.
 Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.
 Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

15.
 Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16.
 Brown's Law of Physical Appearance -If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

18.
 Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19.
 Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.


 

-------------------------------------------------------


 

 



 

Leader of opposition is arrested brutally for driving to his place of work.

 

From: ISOOBA, DANIEL MUKUNYA
Sent: Friday, April 29, 2011 1:08 PM
To: SENNOGA, EDWARD BATTE; MBIRO, ANDREW; MAGOGO, MOSES; NANDUJJA, MONICA MUYINGO; KAGORO, GILBERT; KIMBUGWE, ROBERT
Subject: Another RAP

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fc_tscUPxMI

 

 

Thats a very good script.....

From: mupishi miti <mitikellym@yahoo.com>
To: "cbu-business-class-1994@googlegroups.com"" <cbu-business-class-1994@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, 28 April 2011, 12:50
Subject: Re: [cbu-1994-class] The Donkey's Attitude
 
 
THE DONKEY

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for
hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the
animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't
worth it to retrieve the donkey.


He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a
shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized
what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted
down.


A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was
astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the
donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.


As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he
would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the
donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!


MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out

of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a
steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never
giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.


Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but   more from God.

You have two choices... smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson .
God bless us all!

.





.

 
 
EMAIL DISCLAIMER!

This e-mail and any attachments are confidential and intended solely for the addressee. Should it be received by error by an unintended addressee, it should not be disclosed to a third party but should instead be deleted immediately and a notification sent to the sender. Any views or opinions presented in this email are distinctly those of the author. Unless explicitly stated and endorsed, they in no way represent the policies of the Bank of Zambia. Although email security tools are in place to check emails being transmitted, they do not guarantee 100% security. Consequently, the Bank of Zambia shall not be held responsible for any damage, loss or any other liability resulting from the contents of this email.

 

 

THE DONKEY

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for
hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the
animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't
worth it to retrieve the donkey.


He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a
shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized
what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted
down.


A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was
astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the
donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.


As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he
would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the
donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!


MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out

of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a
steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never
giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.


Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but   more from God.

You have two choices... smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson .
God bless us all!

.





.

 

 


EMAIL DISCLAIMER!

This e-mail and any attachments are confidential and intended solely for the addressee. Should it be received by error by an unintended addressee, it should not be disclosed to a third party but should instead be deleted immediately and a notification sent to the sender. Any views or opinions presented in this email are distinctly those of the author. Unless explicitly stated and endorsed, they in no way represent the policies of the Bank of Zambia. Although email security tools are in place to check emails being transmitted, they do not guarantee 100% security. Consequently, the Bank of Zambia shall not be held responsible for any damage, loss or any other liability resulting from the contents of this email.



--- On Mon, 4/4/11, Simbotwe Febby <simbotwef@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Simbotwe Febby <simbotwef@yahoo.com>
Subject: Fw: Slow Dance (don't delete, please read)
To: "alice mwanza chewe" <alesi600@yahoo.com>, "agness kaponda" <agness.kaponda@yahoo.com>, "david simbotwe" <dsims500@yahoo.com>, "liwena simbotwe" <liwenasimbotwe@yahoo.com>, "beat siamusantu" <beatchako@yahoo.com>, "cindy simbotwe" <cindynyoni@yahoo.co.uk>, "mutinta simbotwe" <tintasims@yahoo.co.uk>, "namatama sakabilo" <nsakabilo@yahoo.com>, "tina sipuma" <tsipuma@ovi.com>, "vernon simbotwe" <simbotwev@yahoo.com>, "viola simbotwe" <simbotweviola@yahoo.com>, "dorothy mulenga" <mulengadorothy@yahoo.com>, "doreen moono" <doreenmoono@yahoo.co.uk>, "grace kaoma" <gkaoma@yahoo.co.uk>, "Jane Kagoli" <namwasekagoli@yahoo.com>, "chisha chungu" <chishachungu@yahoo.com>, "christine munthali" <chrismuntha@yahoo.com>, "pen malilwe" <malilwepenelope@yahoo.com>, "ian musakabantu" <imusakabantu@yahoo.com>, etasumbwa@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, April 4, 2011, 7:40 AM



--- On Sun, 2/20/11, Caroline Hamank <carolhamank@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Caroline Hamank <carolhamank@yahoo.com>
Subject: Fw: Slow Dance (don't delete, please read)
To: "fewster hamankolo" <fhchoongo@yahoo.co.uk>, "febby simbotwe" <simbotwef@yahoo.com>
Date: Sunday, February 20, 2011, 1:29 PM



Caroline M. Hamankolo
STEPS OVC
District Facilitator
Chikankata

The Salvation Army
P.O.Box 34352
Lsaka.
Mobile: +260 977 259185

--- On Wed, 2/16/11, Michelo <princessmijel@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Michelo <princessmijel@yahoo.com>
Subject: Fw: Slow Dance (don't delete, please read)
To: "Carolyn Hamankolo" <carolhamank@yahoo.com>
Date: Wednesday, February 16, 2011, 6:59 AM



Mweemba Merceria Michelo
Livingstone District Facilitator
Zambia
Cell:+260977-315119, +260966-825841

--- On Tue, 2/15/11, phemie aongola <aongolap@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: phemie aongola <aongolap@yahoo.com>
Subject: Fw: Slow Dance (don't delete, please read)
To: "emily chisanga" <ecchisanga2000@yahoo.co.uk>, "Eron zebedee" <eronzebedee@yahoo.com>, "nkombo namooya" <nnamooya@yahoo.com>, "n" <nmambwe@yahoo.com>, "neria Sakala" <nellyc2007@gmail.com>, "ronald nawa" <nawaronald@yahoo.com.uk>, "audrey hambaza" <mazilaudrey@yahoo.com>, "bridget munenga" <bridgetmunenga@yahoo.co.uk>, "friday mweemba" <fridaym6@yahoo.com>, "ian magaya" <ianmagaya@yahoo.com>, "kennedy mizinga" <kmizinga@yahoo.com>, "masiye mulele" <masiyemulele@yahoo.com>, "merceria mweemba" <princessmijel@yahoo.com>, "mutinta mwiinga" <msmwiinga@zesco.co.zm>, "mwiinga malambo" <mwiinga_malambo@zam.salvationarmy.org>, "trescious makokwa" <trescious@yahoo.com>, "wells milambo" <wellsmilambo@yahoo.com>, "Lentisha" <lmuyanza@zesco.co.zm>, "lenah kruger" <krugerlenah@hotmail.com>, "inutuj judy" <inutuj@yahoo.com>, "joshua nyawaya" <kajila2@yahoo.com>, "brave hanunka" <brav_hanunka@zam.salvationarmy.org>, "carol hamankolo" <Carolhamank@yahoo.com>, "timothy hamooya" <hamooyatimothy@yahoo.com>, "audrey hambaza" <mazilaudrey@yahoo.com>, "royen chilala hakooma" <royen2@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, February 15, 2011, 4:23 AM



----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Gladys Siakakole Mubanga <GMubanga3@zesco.co.zm>
To: Nkombo Namoya <NNamoya@zesco.co.zm>; "poviahmorah@yahoo.com" <poviahmorah@yahoo.com>; "aongolap@yahoo.com" <aongolap@yahoo.com>; "kabisanjekwa@yahoo.com" <kabisanjekwa@yahoo.com>; Catherine Zelipa Chewe <CChewe2@zesco.co.zm>; Hellen Tembo <HTembo@zesco.co.zm>; Jennifer Kasongo <JKasongo@zesco.co.zm>; Marjory Shangala <mshangala@zesco.co.zm>
Sent: Thu, February 10, 2011 4:24:45 PM
Subject: FW: Slow Dance (don't delete, please read)
m

 

 

From: Chibeza Mbulo
Sent: 08/02/2011 2:16 PM
Subject: FW: Slow Dance (don't delete, please read)

 

Slow
Dance





This

poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a
New York

Hospital.



It was sent
by

a medical doctor -
Make sure to read what is in the closing statement
AFTER THE
POEM.




SLOW DANCE



Have you ever
watched
kids



On a merry-go-round?



Or listened to
the
rain



Slapping on the ground?



Ever followed a

butterfly's erratic flight?



Or gazed at the sun into the
fading
night?



You better slow down.



Don't
dance so
fast.



Time is short.



The music
won't
last.



Do you run through each day



On
the
fly?


When you ask How are you?



Do you hear
the
reply?



When the day is done



Do you lie
in your
bed



With the next hundred chores




Running through
your head?



You'd better
slow down



Don't dance so
fast.



Time is
short.



The music won't
last.



Ever told your
child,



We'll do it
tomorrow?



And in your
haste,



Not see
his

sorrow?



Ever lost
touch,



Let a good
friendship die



Cause you
never had time



To call
and say,'Hi'



You'd
better slow down.



Don't dance
so fast.



Time
is short.



The music won't
last..



When you run
so fast to get somewhere



You
miss half the fun of getting
there.



When you worry and hurry
through your
day,



It is like an unopened
gift....



Thrown
away.



Life is not a
race.


Do take it
slower



Hear the
music



Before the song is
over.



------------
--------



FORWARDED
E-MAILS ARE TRACKED TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL
COUNT.



Dear All:
PLEASE pass this mail on to everyone you know -
even to those you don't
know! It is the request of a special girl who will soon
leave this world
due to cancer.



This young girl has 6 months left
to live,
and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to

live their life to the fullest, since she never will.




She'll
never make it to prom, graduate from high school,
or get married and have a
family of her own.



By you sending
this to as many people as
possible, you can give her and her family a
little hope, because with every name
that this is sent to, The American
Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per name
to her treatment and recovery
plan.. One guy sent this to 500 people! So I know
that we can at least send
it to 5 or 6. It's
not even your money, just
your
time!



PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST REQUEST.




10461

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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